That whole response was rather Mettaphysical.

Similar to the Soviet Five-Year Plan, Charlie Weis also plans on starving the Ukraine and taking all the food for himself.

"Waah, waah, waaaaah!"

Pictured: Two clean-shaven men, and without their beards to boot.

What a lineup! Consider me Mao'ed.

Guys Wide Shut

That New Orleans-centric audio clip confused me so much it aggravated my pyloric valve. I need a Dr. Nut...

I don't have a problem assuming he was on something just because he plays basketball, do you?

As a good Catholic, I am not willing to Indulge this rumor.

Whoa.

I thought the "Bernie Briefing" was the self-initiated press conference Bernie Kosar holds each morning for his cereal boxes and houseplants.

"Tebowing; for when 'Rubenesque' doesn't even come close to cutting it anymore."

I laughed.

Do you love The Wire? Do you love Victorian fiction? Do you love spending 25 minutes reading a highly entertaining article on a Saturday night?

Nice.

I hope I didn't disappoint.

"Batts said "[i]t was a buildup of anger and frustration at being singled out of the whole team.""

"and the girl got angry and responded by calling her a "black piece of [expletive]."

If you drive through the DC area on the way, I can recommend Texas Ribs and BBQ, which is south of the city, in Clinton, MD. It's fucking great.

That's a shitty situation to have to deal with, and I'm sorry.