Any man who feels the need to capitalize “man” is also, incidentally, not a man, but an overgrown child.

Queue the outraged and persecuted fundamentalists who just can’t believe that this woman is being punished for her religious beliefs! “Freedom Of speech! Intolerant liberals! I don’t understand what the first amendment actually says!!!1!!”

Homosexuals are gross and going to hell but I still want to score some PR points for my new song by being on a lesbian’s show!!!!

I believe it’s a Cthurkey

I’ve never even heard “fire” used like this, and I was trying really hard to figure out what word(s) were missing in the headline. Get off my lawn etc etc.

Putin’s riding right into the White House.

I am delighted that the phrase “Chuck Johnson” has become a euphemism.

Coolest. Animal. Ever.

See also: Narwhals.

“What’s the problem? I was told to stand here, and wear this hat and jack..... oh shit.”

It’s amazing how liberating it is to stop giving a shit about what makes you “manly” and what doesn’t.

Step one to increasing your ‘masculinity’ is to give zero fucks what some other person thinks about you, your capabilities or how you spend your time. You get one life - live it the way you want.

He should dump everything we’ve got on Putin and start a cyberwar with Russia on Jan. 1. Give it a few weeks to get ramped up and the country to realize we are, in fact, at war with them, then check out and let Trump deal with the fallout.

That puppy is cute as fuck.

“to essentially strip the U.S. of its credibility as a global leader”

Five minutes? I think you mean two.

Its because we’re dumb. And we have a national attention span tha… HOLY SHIT IS THAT A BIRD!?!?!

for example: magnets, how do they work? nobody knows except wizards and they aren’t talking

Yeah, but Canadians are bit more humble about that sort of thing. Americans live in hope that their ancestors were some sort of dispossessed nobles. (My Canadian ancestor, of whom I have a picture from the 1870s, was a lumberjack who sported a pair of gold earrings - cooler than some random Eurotrash, IMHO.)

Oh honey. You’re not so bad yet. I’ve gone to swigging right from the milk carton.