John Candy did it better.

Ran when parked.

If I can get accomplished what I want to do with mine (upgrade suspension/+t/make the interior more aesthetically pleasing) in the next 2 years, that’s exactly what I’m going to do (except mine is Midnight Blue).

THIS is the car that can be rented out as a luxury AirBnB option. Keep it in Manhattan, rent it out. Profit. Drive it to big events (Super Bowl, for example) rent it out via AirBnB or similar. Profit.

If he keeps leaving the tarmac, they should start calling him Pasture Maldonado, amirite?

Nailed my experience with the Golf/Jetta MkIII.

Shut up and take my Francs!

I think it’s a conversion thing. Metric blue converts to Imperial white, or something like that.

This is one car where people would claim “Backseat!” (instead of “shotgun”) since that’s the only position with back support.

If the fax machine jams, it looks like it’s going to be about as easy to fix as replacing the heater core.

It needs wheels/wheel wells that aren’t comically large.

Beltline too high/roof too low. If I wanted to drive a something German with that limited view, I’d get a pill-box from the old Atlantic Wall defenses and put is up on wheels.

obligatory:

Be sure to give the bedbugs tinfoil underwear first.

I’ve often said that Long Island is the Florida of the Northeast. Now I have a .gif to back me up.

I don’t see anywhere in the story that any live bedbugs were found afterward. Mission: Accomplished.

As a chemist would say, "Alcohol is a solution!"

This video never gets old. It’s the redneck manifestation of Chaos Theory giving a big middle-finger to the Theory of Natural Selection. The Banjo Kid from “Deliverance” cracking Darwin upside the head with his instrument.

To paraphrase Gengarry Glen Ross, “Live cats are for successful rocket-landers”.

and these are the ones that "made the cut" and were included in the final edit of the ad. Imagine how bad the other responses/comments must have been!