The first and only qualification for dropping fat F-bombs is that you be one.

Between a pronounced willingness to take the lives of people of color, no matter the lack of provocation, and the absolute ineptitude of the police in instances like this, why don’t we just agree that the national motto for all police departments be changed from the pro forma variation of “To Serve and Protect” to…

What, no harm equals no foul?

My go-to line to anyone who asked me if I was a waiter, all while wearing an apron, with a wine key jutting from waistband, while holding a pen in my hand, was to say that I was actually with the Census Bureau.

How can you possibly say my writing sucks, Richard?

Hey, thanks! This means so much to me. Especially that part where you dragged your own personal experience with the (alleged) woman from New Orleans into the mix!

In that thimble you call your brain, I can see how my response to you seemed wordy. Keep in mind, Richard, for you to judge the words I have written you would have to understand them.

Yeah, what I wouldn’t give to be you…

Something to keep in mind when pondering the quandary posed by trying to match the production values and tone to the performer is you always want them to mirror the artist’s innate, most essential attribute.

I love a ballad…

Quick answer: If you were married to that bucket of fuck, wouldn’t you be?

In the kid’s defense, can you imagine having to deal with the human colostomy bag that is his father as a father? We just have to endure his pathetic attempts to insinuate himself onto the world stage by running for president. I’m this kid I am drinking to divert my father’s toxic ways and I am driving to get the hell…

Living proof of the age-old maxim that the best defense is an offensive offense.

The poor man doesn’t have a bad case of the yips.

Uber violates the age-old dictate given by loving parents everywhere:

I officially signed off on Ms. Witherspooon when I was asking the director Alexander Payne about working with her on the film “Election.”

Right, Mr. Thomas, and the Knicks were so confident of your innocence that they gave away $11.6 to celebrate your pristine stature.

And they say comedy is dead…

Killing the messenger rarely involves homicide. Sometimes you just take away their ability to speak…

Forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but the very issue the reporter in question here is so shocked at is but a faint glimmer of the kind of behavior that is at the crux of the problem here in Baltimore, and all over this fevered country: the unacceptable hooliganism that has become policing in this country,…