I don't think it's any coincidence that his number is 00.

One can only hope that when this human pond scum is sentenced to some quality quiet time compliments of the criminal justice system, some veteran of the institution gets his number.

I am a veteran of the Food Services Wars, having toiled there for longer than I am going to admit here if only because I don't feel like relegating myself to the rank of status criminal whose biggest crime is that I have had the nerve to live as long as I have.

Oh, I get it—this piece is your one-man attempt to formally bring back Sophistry.

Let this steaming cow pie of a response be Exhibit A in Mr. Ditka's suit against the NFL for brain damage he suffered while playing.

Tell me there was someone court-side to administer the Heimlich.

I played a lie detector technician, a really small role. What was unfortunate was that Dave Foley and I were improvising some great physical bits that really made the scene chirp. What is sad (and all too predictable in these cases) is how badly the scene got chopped, with my character being the number one casualty.

Back in the 90s (not the 1890s!) I had a small part on "Newsradio," in which Ms. Graham had a guest star role. And if one is to judge by the standard of you assess people by the way they treat other people who can do nothing for them, she is an unqualified bitch of the first order.

Love the kid, worship her Spirit.

Right about now, someone, somewhere, just got the answer to the question of "What ever happened to that insufferable geek in their Audio-Visual class, Chuckie Langdon?"

If you're a nail, the world is made up of nothing but hammers.

Sometimes standing up has more to do with your hands than your feet.

Too bad being manic to remain culturally relevant isn't sexy.

The words "supermodel" and "nine-year-old" should never appear in the same sentence, ever.

Epilepsy is never pretty.

Christ, how far does the concept of a celebrity interview have to sink? This twit, Mr. Stark, is abominable by any standard. Truly, he is.

Maybe his body is just too quick for his legs in the same way that a car's engine can oftentimes outperform its tires' ability to keep it on the road in one piece.

Never forget: he giveth, and he taketh away…

The most genuine aspect of this woman is her fake breasts, and that is no mean feat.

And the caption read: "Yeah, I did it. What? Like you've never taken some bad Molly, hijacked an ambulance, hit multiple stationary objects, deserted said vehicle, donned a spare EMT vest, been shot with a stun gun, snagged a blanket, cell phone, and a spare box of Wheat Thins (hey, dude, they were fucking out of…