"That's a Crown Royal question, bro."

Relax—your sphincter.

word.

Better than the Alka-Selzer option, I suppose.

This sounds like the lead-up to a Paternoty suit.

All of it good. Each box a +1. And I don't know why I'm still laughing at the Keyser Soze box, but I am by God, I am.

Yeah, a blow job.

Yes.

The federal government should just assign names from a list of decent, hard-working, racist Protestants.

I'm looking forward to members of the Paterno family perjuring themselves.

Apparently, Brett cooked them with the heat coming off his face.

My expectations already were well under the limbo pole, but this announcing crew is painfully awful. They're not even bothering to call the fucking home runs. I mean Jesus Fucking Christ, THAT'S ALL THEY HAVE TO DO. Gotdammit.

"Fat Bastard" John Kruk

Curtis Granderson has some mint reactions to striking out. Best is the Sad Walk after getting punched out by Paul Schreiber.

Benabbad couple of races.

Fair enough.

Indeed.

Patient: And he's definitely not smiling!

Why is it (apparently) frowned upon for them to acknowledge this?