Half of all people who think they don't like tequila really mean they don't like Cuervo Gold

Pictured: Shield, Shield, Shield.

Degrees maybe? 98(.6) of them?

I've never understood the physics of douching. Is the douchebag essentially just a squirt bottle or is there some sucking going on as well? Because if it's only a vessel, then being a douchebag wouldn't be so bad.

Actually the more pertinent part of the Constitution is Article 1, Section 2, Paragraph 3 which states that three-fifths of all marital profits go to the minority owner.

The man was later identified as George (no last name given) of Jungle Ave.

Need two minutes to gather yourself before finding the right thing to say? Try Hawk Lollipops.

Alfred Looser, President, Greater Regional Association of Massachusetts Men Against Roids.

Must admit, Torta Pepito looking like more of a threat to my lunch plans than the Arroz con Leche Empanada right now.

Great stuff.
Just a quick question: Am I supposed to throw hard-boiled, raw, fried, scrambled, or poached eggs at Rick Reilly or does it not matter?

"Nuts."

Murse or Rand-McNally atlas?

Shoulda been you, Lindsey.

I absolutely love Olive Garden's pesto. Have you tried it? Have you ever been there? D-LISH!

Interesting piece, but might the author just be racist against Poles and Asians?

Rob Ryan will eat every cut of meat before getting a haircut.

Wait, there are casual Zubaz?

"Apocryphal? I thought all those bombs went off in China?"

They're engaged or so Wikipedia tells me.

It's gotta be a character, right?