IMPORTANT/RELEVANT:

Duke lost again!

Blatt: Everything you're hearing about discord and disrespect in our locker room is false. Everyone is on the same page, and I'm still in control of this team.

Wouldn't be the first puppet regime from a LBJ.

Jack Del Rio literally translates to masturbate into a river,, people forget that

Alternate headline:

Being the bay area, this is the equivalent to bringing an ax to a knife fight

Mark Davis HAS to be mentally retarded. I hate using that word, but fuck man, look at him. LOOK AT HIM.

After deciding on Del Rio as his coach, Mark Davis set his sights on the super bowl. His thoughts returned to football after a few minutes of admiring his new haircut.

Carr: [sees headline about the Raiders hiring Jack Del Rio]

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

"Why can't Del Rio and Sparano be co-head coach? When we cut players Del Rio could chop 'em up and Sparano could bury them." — Mark Davis

the one with no fucking is obviously the real marriage. The other is porn.

You know how you can tell you're watching Spaceballs and not Star Wars because, like, Spaceballs Yoda is clearly Mel Brooks in green makeup? THAT WON'T WORK HERE.

Untrained assassin Tony Stewart, Busch's NASCAR colleague, had no comment when asked about the case.

Been there brotha. I tried for two years with my girl, but she always claimed the ass is sin.

I can't figure out the tone or motivation of this column.

Don't pick on Kevin Durant. He's this generation's Michael Jordan of passive-aggressive tweeting.

All he said was, "How far can you punt a football?"