Nothing about your post is rational. QUICK SOMEBODY SHOOT HIM!

That puts this guy in the evil 1% I keep hearing about these days.

Or stupid. Or all of the above.

Eligibility for what? Your father's affection?

You know how to comment on the internet. That's all I can gather.

GOD DAMN DEPENDENT VARIABLES! Good joke.

Can or draft... D'oh!

[Scientist] They gave us $100K to do what?

i haven't practiced shooting in 5 years

Chan Ho Park once ribbed Tommy by telling him that in Asia it's considered good luck when you get hit by a car. He didn't think Tommy would live the rest of his life operating under this misconception.

A perfect sphere; floating through the air; the arena lights illuminate its near frictionless sheen.

Worst Royal upper-decker since Prince Albert in the can.

You've got it all wrong. Donald Sterling always correctly guesses where Jeremy Lin eats his meals.

That doesn't describe the Sterling situation at all. So, bad joke then? Bad joke then.

I prefer a vivisection, but my parole officer thinks its a bad idea.

Hey! That's my book! It's got my shit all over it! Come back here!

***Googles "what toys Ogilvy liked as a child"***

***Removes copy from tube sock***

***SMACK***

Go read it. It's right there on the front page of Deadspin.