You don't pay me enough to shower in the morning. I'll hit the snooze a couple times instead.

• Roll out bed.

You want to play the hypocrisy card? The author of the piece disclosed his job description; where do you work?

Good one, dipshit.

It disrespects the team? Delusional control freak is a delusional control freak.

If they had put it on PPV, it would've been all good:

FALSE FROG!

So good.

Big deal. What's the worst that could happen?

In light of the reaction, NYC Marathon officials have cancelled plans for volunteers to wear backwards white baseball caps and crustaches at the finish line of this year's event.

Ten years from now it'll be worth at least 10xs the value of an UNSIGNED bar napkin. Then who's gonna be laughing, funny guy?

Fuck off.

Your problem isn't that the meatheads are wrong, it's that they enjoy violence? Maybe football isn't your sport?

Take it to Jezebel, you tramp!

Outstanding. No surprise the joke was not well received. "GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER I'M TRYING TO TEACH OVER HERE!"

You're an asshole. I want to blur out your face.

FREEBASING SON!

Today in How NOT to Look Like a Gangster: Wear a fucking tie.

Gotta make deadline, amiright?