11. Create a separate part of town for them to live in. Use byzantine housing codes and zoning regulations to ensure they can't move to your part of town, then ensure their section has inferior government services, infrastructure, and public transit. It shall be called "The Hegemony" or "The Heg" for short. You shall…

[listens to song]

Smoking Weed Can Turn You Into a Dickhead

Personally, I think if early-era baseball players were to see Chapman's antics they'd be pissed at the blatant flouting of the game's tradition.

But...I thought you guys hated everything!

Fucking thank you. Fans who remember CFB before the BCS days can recall that non-conference power matchups were actually a pretty common occurrence, because a tougher schedule meant you had a better chance to move up in the polls or be given the benefit of the doubt when you had an identical record to other teams.…

I'm shocked that a Seth McFarlane film would bring out droves of unfunny mouth-breathing comments to the effect of "I laffed and your a pretentious gaywad!1!"

It's too bad they put a gun to your head and make you read them. But don't worry, your refund check will soon be in the mail for all the money you put into this site.

How to Write a Fucking Hit Piece by Abe Sauer

sent from my typewriter

That's a good way of putting it. There's something inherently dehumanizing when we discuss commenters in terms of monetary value, and only adds to the yawning chasm between the loyal followers and management. It's no different than a small restaurant or bar that undergoes a radical change to either attract a more…

[checks value of Redskins franchise]

I see that. But, if you're placing ads next to comments you'll always have risk. The flipside is that their clients' brand could be put up against a racist/homophobic/anti-Semitic screed like you see elsewhere.

Ha!

Again, in the old paradigm I can understand why commenters weren't deemed valuable. But, if you're now trying to have them make money for you, then you absolutely need your loyal fanbase. If they truly represent what the site's "all about," then they're also the ones who'll drive your ad clicks. Not to mention, the…

Read your Reuters link. That's fascinating stuff (didn't know about it before), but one has to wonder that if Gawker wants to monetize its commenters, wouldn't you expect Denton to be a little more charitable to them? If this was a sports team it'd be the equivalent of pissing all over your season ticket holders and…

After playing around in the comments for a day, I've reached at least one stunningly insightful conclusion about our new system that we can all agree on.

"Let's go get a goddamn SNAC!"

Oh wait, I get it, Sandusky will enjoy it because he raped boys, so it must mean he's a homosexual, and homosexuals love anything getting forcefully shoved up our asses because we're all gay and shit like that!

Fucking THANK YOU!