Spoiler alert: Jurassic World is gonna suck.

It seeeeemmmmss to meee thaaaat mayyyybbbbeee - I can’t get a fucking loan.

There's no such thing as a miracle. Don't be silly.

Aaron Hernandez would have had to have been pretty fucking dumb to get caught.

It will never stop being funny to me that atheists are the reason that religion still exists.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh my God!!! You are literally the FIRST PERSON EVER IN HISTORY to think of these things!!

Nothin’ to see here, folks! Just good old-fashioned sweat equity! Nothing even remotely suspicious about this in the least!

Well but in the abstract it's still really not good since the Atonement was only necessary due to the Fall. God's backup plan if you will. ;-)

Being raised Protestant I am familiar with the story of Jesus' death/resurrection.

While health food trends are annoying...

“mean streets and dance joints” was a nice touch. Any word on whether they frequented speakeasy’s before he got sent to the hoosegow?

The plot of QoS involved a conspiracy to force a signover of a massive piece of land which hid a large enough reservoir of water to make a meaningful difference in worldwide water costs, but no one had ever noticed it was there...

Maybe you, CP3 and DJ should not be such gigantic, goddamn, fucking douchecanoes every single second of every single game and then people might cheer for you.

Dude. Troll. Just ignore him.

I nominate Uwe Boll.

JIMMY FALLON

That was like the first thing I thought. It doesn't look like she's got it in back of her shoulders, it's like directly over them. So if she drops it, there's a good chance hubby eats through a straw for the first six months of their marriage.

Beat me to it.

"Colorful personality"