At my maternal grandmother’s funeral everything went fine, I didn’t know her at all so I mostly kept my 11 year old self quiet and polite while everyone else cried. It was pretty normal, except a pretty weird part where they put two bet stubs for Smarty Jones on her casket because she liked horse racing so much. At…

hey something tells me that its more logically consistant for snooki’s husband to have an ashley madison account than it is for one of the premier avatars of the quiverfull radical right christian movement to have one. i cant put my finger on what it is hmmmmm i really have a hard time thinking things through......

As a Phillies fan, I’m actually liking the Mets this year (that one guy with a PA license plate that read METSFAN who was going 30 on a 45 that I was stuck behind for 15 minutes notwithstanding) and I actually felt bad for winning the series.

In two thousand years Grand High Daily Show Host Telbrix IV (the daily show having become a religion through years of mythologizing and storytelling) will say, “Jon Stewart was short! Short short short short!”

ah yes let me check kotaku dot com for cool and interesting video game news

Label your offspring by color so I can tell what kind of genitals it has.

If by cry you mean be so flabbergasted that your eyes stay open so long your eyes water. There isn’t a single black character. Please, start covering this as a bad thing. Jesus.

Every commute I have I end up behind some jackass in an Audi who is going 10 miles under the speed limit and I want to ram them off the road in my 2001 Toyota Avalon.

Do we know if Audible books are on sale?

Do we know if Audible books are on sale?

*half assed jerk off motion*

“Hey our fanbase is awful, do you think they’ll notice we reused a model because we are lazy and then ascribe far more meaning to it than they should?” “Yeah of course, but I’m not going to spend an hour modeling a new folder model, so fuck ‘em.”

I feel like Kotaku is the ‘special’ kid at the back of class at Gawkermedia Elementary.

I am still mad I preordered Brink when it was supposed to be a story driven class-based team shooter. By the time I learned it was going to be Bad Team Fortress Two, it was too late to cancel it.

“OK map, please make the light stay red while I try and navigate in less than 30 seconds because I only have physical media and there is a traffic accident I couldn’t possibly have anticipated ahead of me. Oh wait, my phone already told me about it! Also, I just implied I’ve never made a mistake navigating! Also I…

“OK Map, navigate me from this city I’ve never been in to this other city I’ve never been in while keeping in mind traffic, tolls, and construction. And do it without me looking at you, thank you very much.”

I don’t know we should get rid of maps entirely imo. If you walk everywhere you really get the feeling of the location you’re in. It really appalls me that people don’t know their neighborhood intimately like paleolithic humans did :/

I don’t understand why people use paper, you don’t really get the weight and feel from chisel and slate :/

You say “doesn’t coddle the weak”, I say “Artificial extenders of replay value and game duration because successful runs of NES and SNES games are typically less than an hour”.

I wonder how many of the old dingdongs getting mad at these kids spent months and months grinding the first two levels of this game when they were 13?

man this guy playing a video game has nothing to do with video games :/