“Also, per school policy, the dog has been expelled”

the “Whiz Kids”?

“I have to admit, it was awkward and exhilarating at the same time”

I’m pretty sure most of humanity’s last tweet will be “Wow, I can’t believe we elected Trump and gave him access to the nuke button”

Another couple of cups of coffee and the puns will definitely start flowing for people.

I was going to go with something like “Lochte did micturate from Florida...” somewhere in there, but it didn’t flow right. I do regret not referring to the news stream as yellow journalism though.

Something about this story doesn’t smell right. I mean, Lochte is no whiz kid, but how is “they were asked to use the bathroom” where this story starts? Something pissed off either the gas station or the swimmers before that. And then why leak the robbery story? Did someone text them “ur in trouble” and they did that…

Briles is technically right, if “Sharia law” is used as the legal and moral authority.

El Shehaby? More like El She-baby amirite?

If they want it to be named after an animal, they should pick something fierce that isn’t already in use, like the Rhino. And maybe they should pick a non-traditional color, like green, no, wait, Spearmint, if they insist on a specific color modifier.

Seems like something got lost in translation when he learned he was supposed to assault Ünal...

Well there you go. Dallas wouldn’t blink about ejaculating a billion dollars into a stadium. Sad that essentially the same population is getting played against itself to see which can throw away their tax dollars to enrichen the already rich.

Where exactly are the Rangers going if they leave? To a much smaller market, that’s where. 800 million for 70 million a year means you can go without a team, with interest, for about 15 years before you’d break even as a city. You think DFW is going 15 years without a team, especially with a perfectly nice stadium…

Peanuts third? Dude, that comic is awful. Always has been. I’d rather see Draymond Green’s Penis in the funnies every day than that donkey crap full of trite, predictable, hateful, and unfunny misrepresentations of children.

Seems weird an obese guy named “Skeeter” isn’t from Florida already...

The odds of Belichick and brady buying burner phones like a couple of drug dealers and texting and talking all the time? 100%

golf has strict rules of etiquette. Kicking in the balls is a two-stroke penalty. Nobody wants that.

And then you have rule #2 in fighting: never get in a fight if you are wearing a salmon shirt.

Orange was clearly overmatched, where blue clearly knew what he was doing. Orange threw a bunch of punches early, was constantly off balance, and his guard was down the whole time. Blue just waited for the time to throw the cross. And when he nailed it, orange knew he was in serious trouble and it was time to…