"The jerk store is all out of Corey Perry, but it's getting more in stock soon"

looking for love in all the wrong places....

THC is actually stored in fat cells. I'm pretty sure that at 350 he's got a little fat on him somewhere, and it is quite likely that he's smoked enough in college to pretty well saturate his flab. The failed test, therefore, could be from the workout and strain of the combine causing some of the THC to leave his fat…

clearly a smokescreen from the team that really wants to draft him...

someone made the conscious decision to pick up a filthy public toilet (where did the water go?), carry it for some time (necessitating intimate contact with it), and then throw into a crowd (where death is clearly a likely outcome). this is clearly the worst person alive.

"Dude, that's embarrassing!"

exactly.

Tom Brady's clothes couldn't say "fuck you, I wear this shit because I'm Tom fucking Brady, and by the way fuck you" any more even if they had "fuck you, I wear this shit because I'm Tom fucking Brady, and by the way fuck you" written in bold pink glowing letters on his shirt.

Well stated, there is an element of food-as-art that is interesting and creative. However, I do have no problem begrudging the douchiness and elitism of it, but I'll admit to partaking in it occasionally as well.

Fast forward nearly 100 years and the White Sox now would kill for a starting pitcher to only give up six runs.

Drew, the premise of your article is spot on.

Is Sterling technically dead if you disembody him? Because if so, he could return courtside having served his lifetime ban. If not...

What I don't understand is why the top of his head was so white last night. It was like he just shaved his head after a Florida vacation, or, like he was wearing a cheap latex bald wig. He looked weirder than normal, which is saying something about a "angry, albino-turtle-without-a-shell looking motherfucker".

"Wait, they called off the walkout? We were supposed to play last night?"

Totally worth clicking this just to find Wohlers' twitter profile picture

That's childish of them to take down their entire website just because their owner got banned. What are they, one?

Roger Goodell snuck into there somehow...

if he steals home before the pitcher delivers the pitch, good hustle, right?

Yeah, because I really had to dig to find an angle where Stiviano looks bad here. I reached hard just to make her look bad apparently (rolls eyes).