Looks like saves aren't the only thing that Papelbon will be blowing tonight...

Apparently Deadspin posted this from a browser in Incognito mode

Doesn't seem like anything could go wrong with this plan...

So if you look at porn you'll wind up in Detroit? #ScaredStraight

The only thing worse than that masturbatory boob Vitale is these 35 other masturbatory boobs acting like him. That was like putting a cheese grater on my soul.

If you're going to bench a starting QB that got injured, Jay Cutler is a pretty good choice, because chances are he gives zero fucks if he starts or not.

Later, police discover the Comedy Central roast of Tim Couch was shown that evening, and apologies are issued.

Other rules:

Bad decisions in my personal life kept me from winning the Heisman* back in the day, and even though I hate the voters for doing it to me and denying me what was rightfully mine, I firmly believe they made me a better man from their statement against my wanton and wayward ways. I learned about consequences,…

beat to the joke...

That is a completely shitty story. Who the fuck asks "how much did that cost" as the second thing he says to a person other than a materialistic shallow wretch of a man? It only further proves the hollowness of Lebron's soul, and why he should be loathed.

That totally wasn't kosher of the ref to decide the game like that.

They can't turn that man into Soylent Green soon enough.

More interesting question: should a player be able to use his penis to make a tackle?

tl:dr version:

He calls his little village "ARod Controversy Village" because he loves it, will defend it with his life, and everything just moves in circles without really going anywhere.

Do I hear $10,000?

Psst, Antonio Smith, you're 2-10. A LOT of people have figured out your defense...

I think the media is being hard-on him.

"The only thing the HOF will let me in for is to use the restroom."