Back during the first year of my old job, I found out that basically all of the people who were single there were all randomly hooking up in a super casual way. I referred to it as the “company key party”. I had to stop the guy telling me about it. “I have to work with these people every day. I don’t need to know that…

I’m a guy and I can’t even say for sure that I’d be opposed to the idea.

It’s always so magical when a woman can look at a man and just know... He’s the one... The one for anal.

I just got the vasectomy. Not the most comfortable week, but that was the extent of it and it saved my wife an infinite amount of issues.

The awkwardness vastly overpowers any arousal. Glad to know I wasn’t the only one.

The hardest part of that formula is getting an accurate weight measurement. If one could detach the penis, it would be simple. Sadly with it attached, it’s compromised, like leaning against the wall when standing on a scale. It creates a huge variable in the end measurement.

Dammit, there’s a joke here, I know it. But everything coming to mind is totally lowbrow and devoid of wit.

Lets see if I can go for the second beer in the nose.

Never underestimate what men are willing to wrap around their penis.

“You have to measure the circumference of the penis when erect, not the length.”

I was unaware of her gender and defaulted to the standard stormtrooper male. Haven’t been following all the Star Wars stuff.

Goes to show how much I’ve been avoiding info about this movie I suppose.

Not that excited actually. I’ve been avoiding most Star Wars stuff leading up to the release. It’s just that the stuff I’ve been seeing has been talking up how cool Captain Phasma is, so I figured there would be an Infinity toy for him.

No Captain Phasma figure?

Well, it’s John Barrowman. I’m not positive that the gif is from him as Jack Harkness.

For you.

Oh I get it. Miley Cyrus smells Rita Ora’s hair and it’s all fine and lovely. I take a locke of it, fashion it into a voodoo doll and mail it to Miley Cyrus, and it’s house arrest and restraining orders. I get it. Whatever.

Well so far, just yours, but it is appreciated.

“Adorable Furay DEA Daughter”