'Figueroa says that someone from Michelle Obama's camp contacted the network'

No, it doesn't. I heard all that stuff about Dope-a-max, but I don't have that reaction. I feel pretty good when I'm on it—even went on Jeopardy and did pretty well (although botched Final Jeopardy to a fare thee well).

Your piece spoke to me in the most fundamental way. I loved it.

I took ballet for years as a kid, but was too clumsy and chubby for the teacher's liking, so that was that.

Pry my Topamax from my cold, dead hands. I've been on it for years, now. It's the only thing that works against my migraines.

I straight up, flat out hate her. She's an entitled, talentless person who calls anyone who criticizes her a misogynist.

Pussy ticklers over here.

Lena, please do everyone a favor and STOP talking.

True story. I was in Barney's, wandering around with a friend of mine after having had lunch upstairs. We were drooling over the bags on the first floor when who do we see? Lisa V and Ken. No Giggy, though. They looked exactly like they do on RHOBH. I was beside myself. She had no idea who they were, having…

Nononono. Local shorthand for West Hollywood. WeHo.

Osteria Mozza is at the top of my list. We have a tradition for birthdays. The Birthday Person gets to pick a restaurant for a no-holds barred dinner of his/her choosing. For the past 5 years, my choice has been Mozza. You just can't go wrong. I adore this place.

So, what? They stick in a lit candle and bring your paid-for whatsit to the table? How festive.

So, like the zeppoli one gets at the San Gennaro festival in Little Italy in New York?

And then compares said glitter bomb to terrorism?

And Shade Court is now in session.

I bow to NO ONE in my disdain for raisins. They're vile little bullets of despair and loneliness. My sainted mother instilled in me a life-long hatred of raisins. Probably stemmed from her childhood—she was raised on the Lower East Side in some serious poverty and she claims that she reached for a raisin once and…

Miss Lindsay, straight? Well, I do declare!

I freely admit this is horrible, but while my mother was dying, I was sitting next to her in her hospital room and all I could fixate on was that she had a hair growing out of her chin in the exact same spot as I do.

Also, nobody died because of Clinton's lies.

Never in all my born days have I heard the words 'tasty' and 'delightful' applied to cottage cheese. Have you looked at it? It's just not either of those things.