Has he no mirrors in his cave? Does he know we can see him?

Also, I've heard he and his many ex-wives never actually share a home, so there's that.

"Dr. Phil" isn't a real human, either. He sucks ass at that, too.

The cat is stoned, clearly. Catnip? Weed? Who's to say?

Yannow, if you get your abortions in the shower at the YMCA, then the clean up is just that much easier. Amirite?

I watch RHOBH, and Brandi Glanville is far from some poor, neglected little wallflower. How best to put this? I don't care for her. She's trashy and vulgar. And a shit-stirrer par excellence.

He doesn't even know how to spell his own damn name. Shouldn't it be Yahoo, not Yoho?

And when the Republican debates move to Bravo, you had better believe that this Empress will be watching Watch What Happens Live. Because you know that Andy Cohen will just pwn the candidates.

Yes, and MacFarlane's performance as host of the Oscars was such an overwhelming success.

For grain (pantry) moths, silverfish, sweater moths and other creepy-crawlies, might I recommend food-grade diatomaceous earth? They walk through it and it gets in between their body segments. It looks like talcum powder to us, but to the bugs, it's like shards of glass and cuts the shit out their miserable selves. …

Louie Gohmert, the world's only living brain donor.

I can't believe how much I have to have this Sharkini. Me. Want.

The Donald—striving to reach greater and greater depths in his never-ending struggle to stay relevant.

Did France ban the hijab? Or did France ban the burkha and the niqab, both of which cover the face? Because there is a vast difference between the two.

Like my sainted mother always used to say: We should only speak good of the dead. She's dead. Good.

And I want CBS to add the word 'former' to the chyron that says Pageant Coordinator for Gina Marie. I mean, what are they waiting for?

[Raises hand] I'm an old and I just love the sparkly. Doesn't matter what, I'm drawn to it like a magpie. The more the better, sez me.

Rand Paul and the squirrel that lives atop his head?

Emmy voter here. I give precisely zero fucks about any of this nonsense. For my part, the studios could send the screeners in plain boxes or just make it all available online. It's getting way out of hand, as it is. Ads in the trades, of course. Emmy Magazine. The LA Times. Ecchh!

Seriously? Nobody likes gefilte fish. Nobody. I'm hardcore when it comes too Passover and even I can't eat the stuff.