I mean, we kiss and all, but she doesn’t want me scraping off my sleep mouth slime with her toothbrush. And she’d notice it was wet when she got up. And that mine was dry.

The thing I loved about this story, is Keisel couldn’t help but tell on himself. People (dipshits in particular) seem to forget that professional athletes play at an incredibly elite level, with the most insane shit talkers on earth. These shit talkers are all programmed to spend every minute of the game trying to get…

And he was apparently a cop. It’s like the perfect storm of racist shitbaggery.

No way the spray tan goes down there.  It’s fish belly white, I’m sure.

check the girls for orange palms

Bills fans this morning are destroying property, calling Brown racial slurs and drunkenly getting into fistfights so, you know, you can just imagine how they’ll react when they hear about this.

I need to know if the fuel tanks are full or empty before voting.

All that thing is missing are a set of truck nuts made from bowling balls.

I’m just going to wait until someone posts something clever and then claim it as my own without attribution.

He’s gone full Shia Labeouf, which means that we’re months away from getting reactions of him watching his own terrible takes and then him performing full penetration for Lars Von Trier.  His movie career may start shortly after  

I have a business degree; I worked for an auto finance company, and I’m a cynic. No one is getting me into an 84 (lets face it, even 60) month term on a vehicle. In fact, I’ve only bought one car from a dealer since I started driving in 1986, I might never.

The problem is (and this is 100% exactly like with the…

Sir, the Overly-Defensive Readings we’re picking up...they’re off the chart. 

As a WWF and NES fan kid, I was (and still am) convinced he was the inspiration for King Hippo:

So Stephens took the high road and you wrote a bunch of emails that look like they could have been written by an angry 12 year-old, and you actually think that by writing this and copying those emails and publishing them, we’re going to take your side?

That last email is the one you should have sent first, and it’s a shame you had to let Bret Fucking Stephens hand you your ass before you realized that.

I don’t have a dishwasher in this house either. I made my uncles laugh when I said this house was like camping. It’s funny how quickly I adjusted to the lack of what most consider crucial major appliances.

You’re basically not supposed to put anything in them.

He doesn’t owe it to you or anybody else to treat his car any way other than how he wants to treat his car. He also doesn’t owe the car itself any sort of treatment because of what it is.

I ask you instead to think about how unbelievably corny this is.

That’s why I use Canola oil and change it every 50 miles!