Apparently, today I and a bunch of other people woke up in a parallel universe where “scoop” and “dip” are synonyms...this has to be a regional thing, right?

Now that’s a good one. “My partner cloned a human being and sustained it as a parasite for nine months, and I got more recognition and money!”

That's a whole lot of words to say "being a dick should carry absolutely no consequences whatsoever."

I think anyone who survives becomes a favorite. After all, Romans had favorite gladiators.

All things being equal, the simplest solution is usually correct. Is it possible that they hired someone to be bad customers? Maybe. But there are bad customers at every restaurant every day. Why pay someone when you just have to wait until the next asshole comes in?

Usually, it's the first time a person tries something. Basically, it's the reaction that keeps us from eating poisons, but sometimes it goes a bit haywire.

"Let those among you who have never cried 'nerf!' cast the first stone."

An emotional connection is also the first step towards friendship, though.

In "The One With The Evil Orthodontist" I just now got it when Rachel says "Boy, sure is handy having a sink right here" after her and Barry have sex in the dentist chair.

"In My Hannity-Opinion." Only thing that makes sense.

Neither of those are State Department positions - did something get accidentally omitted?

I just think that adolescents are not fully developed. We don't trust them to vote, or sign contracts, or consent to sex with an adult (at least in the US), so I personally don't think it's fair to really and honestly expect them to be aware of the long term consequences of their actions. We've legally decided that…

True, but this discussion is about people who don't have the knowledge, experience, or perspective - that is, adolescents - to understand long term consequences. Or context, half the time. People in that age group are just developing higher abstract thinking, and coupled with a propensity for risk-taking and the…

Weird. Why five discs for three movies?

You see, in this kind of world, there's two kinds of people, my friend. Those with loaded guns...and those who dig.

10 Times Numbers Could Have Been Shared Less Often

Apparently my tone didn't come across properly - I do think it's hard to find shoes that fit those criteria for women. I said, "it's bullshit that women apparently can't get shoes which they can both walk a couple blocks in and still look professional." That was not meant to imply that it's the woman's fault (as I…

As a guy, I complain about that because it makes me late for meetings, and also it's bullshit that women apparently can't get shoes which they can both walk a couple blocks in and still look professional. Like, how hard is that, Big Cordwainer?

Single greatest thing I've read today: "Greta Van Susteren slithered from Herot[...]"

This, forever.