They're saying that because they can't admit to the real reason. Hint: it also involves world youth, and balls.

I'm sorry, people were talking? Too busy tugging my harbl to the redhead to comprehend that words and burgers were involved.

What about that island with all those obnoxious asshole cartoons on it?

What about that island with all those obnoxious asshole cartoons on it? You know, Madagascar?

Incidentally, these men vacation on Fire Island.

According to literature, there are lots of men from Nantucket.

"Fuck childhood." —Tim Marchman

*LIST ONLY VALID IF YOU EAT CEREAL FOR INCONTINENCE

It's true. We do to our worst states what basically every other country in the world does to the whole lot of us.

Of course this asshole lives in Arizona.

DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS, RICHIE? DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS?

David Samson isn't the only MLB owner breaking into entertainment. Peter Angelos has worked up this great vaudeville routine where he gets stuffed in a burlap sack and beaten with coin-filled socks in the mind of every Orioles fan everywhere.

I can't wait to buy a Bortles License Plate in the Gift Shop.

Who are two people who only see blacks as props?

I was going to say "1/2 the men in Boston would fuck Bill Simmons," but if we're just going to answer our own questions I'll forget about it.

Simmons: Hey you know my buddy Jalen Rose (really, he's my friend, that's why I say it so often), he loves your show.

I tried doing it every time she complimented herself but last time I woke up at a donkey show...I was the performer.

R.I.P. Drew Magary

Every time Dunham says "like" or "I feel" I take a shot. I'm a raging alcoholic