Yeah, Rafael, we're just going to need you to move your desk down into the basement...

"I was told that I could listen at a reasonable volume from 9 to 11."

Not the ORIGINAL by Hans Moleman.

I mean it did win an Oscar defeating the over budgeted "A Burns For All Seasons" directed by Esteban Spielbergo. And that was even with the producers of the film bribing ever member of Hollywood to secure a win.

The ORIGINAL "Man Getting Hit By Football" by Hans Moleman

Hans Moleman sympathizes.

Can I just make the obvious "pornstar name" joke?

Dakota means "friend" or "ally" in its original language, so it's not a bad name at all for a person. It just sounds stupid because we decided to name two states "North Friend" and "South Friend." If I was going to give my basketball-playing kid a Sioux name though, it would have to be Iromagaja ("Rain in the face")…

Hey, when you've already had six kids you can be forgiven for running out of names.

Weekend Update hasn't been funny since SNL fired Norm MacDonald.

oh BeerNerd, where we disagree on David Ortiz, we concur with the Devils.

C'mon common business practice says real chicken (and i'm being very generous to chicken selects) does not fit the fast-food model, i.e. the CEO needs a 100k sq ft home with 14 swimming pools.

I don't know if this was meant to be funny but I swear I had thought the same thing! WTF? Chicken Selects where definitely Mighty-er!

1283 games through the very good and very bad that the Devils have gone through. If anyone can be called "Mr. Devil", it's Ken Daneyko. There's no way his number doesn't belong up in the rafters.

I'm sure it involved an insane ninja battle no one got to see.

But at least the fat trainer was riding a bike. Dad here is just a fat ignorant asshole

Guarantee 1: There are guns in that house.

Honorable mentions included:

Ok Megyn Kelly, you own this now.

Gregggg is probably off this week after his notebook exploded during the Ravens-Vikings game.