Greg, why don't you write about soccer as much anymore? I always like your articles about them.

Hey, the Academy obviously defeated racism last year when 12 Years A Slave won Best Picture. They're allowed to pat themselves on the back and rest on their laurels, wouldn't you say?

Broad City is sorta like Girls, except it doesn't make you want to brutally murder everyone involved in making it. It's already been renewed for a third season so let's all smoke up in celebration.

And not even before a single episode aired for this season. It's that good y'all. I like to say it's like Girls, except it doesn't make you want to brutally murder everyone involved.

Gritt. I'm fuckin dying.

Man, the dead puck era was weird, in retrospect. But it did get my Devils 3 Stanley Cups so I'm not complaining- even though the 2012 Cup Final team was so much more fun to watch than any of those three teams.

It's because he's a robot.

The only other team that made the Stanley Cup Final solely because of the out-of-this-world work of its goalie was the 2003 Anaheim Ducks (or "Mighty Ducks of Anaheim," if you want to go by its Disney-inspired name at the time). The difference is that J.S. Giguere caught lightning in a bottle and Hasek was always on…

Any article with the mention of the term "slide into my DMs" needs to have the .gif of Kramer sliding into Jerry's apartment.

An illustration of the quality of cable TV news over the years, as explained by a guy doing the "going down an invisible set of stairs" trick

I've never had an Oregon brewery that really wowed me. Bear in mind, however, that I've never had Deschutes.

Unibroue is the only Canadian brewery (outside of the big ones) that I've had. To be honest, it's all I need to have, because their stuff is top-notch, especially La Fin du Monde.

I hope he continues to fail so that you can impotently gnash your teeth some more. Just stop writing articles about him.

And if the Cowboys make the Super Bowl and play the Patriots or some other high-profile team like that? A hundred and fifty million people will watch that shit.

I hope they preserve Goodell's brain and install it into a robot so that he can be commissioner for the rest of all of our lives just to piss all of you off

As one of the two titans of Spanish football, FC Barcelona will soon rise from the fire that is their natural state of existence and this will all be forgotten. How soon we forget how much of a mess Real Madrid was a couple of seasons ago.

Even Texas Democrats are assholes. Nuke the state from orbit.

Go figure that the Deadspin Hall of Fame is now transitioning from "funny stuff that happened in the past year" to "people and events that piss us off." And it's a goddamn shame that over two-thirds of voters are going with it.

And the MLS pet team gets another favor. I'm through with this league.

Read the first letter of each paragraph in that editorial.