Those towels are perfectly hung.

I read the “No poop or vomit stories” for what’s going to be the last time on this site and now I kinda want to send poop/vomit stories to the general Gawker tips email as a form of protest.

Hey guys. So imma put this here even though I’ll likely have a post about it soon: yes, I will be leaving Gawker Media. It’s been a fun run, but it was going to end sometime.

How great would it be for the people running one of the debates to just hand the Republican candidates an unlabeled map of the Middle East and tell them to fill in country names? I’d say “and the leaders of those countries” but c’mon.

LOL. Thank you for the chuckle. You are right.

What is it with strange customers and soup? I never thought I’d have a story to contribute here because I’m a bookseller, but it turns out I’ve got one for you.

I blame the English language. It’s not Natasha’s fault that “All you can eat” can be singular or plural (and boo to Denny’s for taking advantage of the ambiguity). This wouldn’t have happened in Shakespeare’s day. When the tavern had an “All thou canst eat” special, everybody knew it only meant thee, not thy whole…

I’m a Midwesterner, and in my experience the majority of us are a bunch of casually bigoted dickholes.

Right? I start doing the math in my head and I’ll think "maybe I conceived 11 months ago?”

see this kind of story is why I lose my mind if my period’s two weeks late even though I haven’t seen a dick in a year

My roommate does something similar every year. No matter how good or bad a year we’ve been having, she goes to a payday or title loan place on Christmas Eve and gives the first person she sees going towards the door $50 or $100 (whatever she can afford), tells them Merry Christmas, and walks away without another word.

Our family tradition at Christmas is to go out Christmas Eve for lunch at a greasy spoon, be polite to the server, and leave a $100 tip in cash. It’s kind of selfish, actually— we all get to feel super altruistic, and we race to get out before the server finds the cash and feels like they need to thank us.

It’s almost as if refusing to protect trans people didn’t stop straight men from going into womens’ restrooms to assault children there.

So, here’s the thing: I understand and respect why some people feel the need to boycott Chick-Fil-A entirely because of their beliefs. I totally get it, and it seems to make sense on the surface; you don’t want to give money to a business that donates to an abhorrent cause.

Like those onion cutting goggles. Honestly if you eat pussy right I don’t give a fuck what you have on your face. Wear a fucking Groucho Marx mask for all I care.

real conversation i’ve had with a tinder date

The Platinum Card story may be the only time that having a customer’s card declined was not a f*cking nightmare as a server. Bravo on that one working out for once.

Between these bullshit stories and BCO columns, how do you not have a rage stroke almost daily, Pinkham?

Between BCO and ‘Not Always Right’, it’s enough to make someone turn into the Punisher of the service industry.

To be honest, I’ve spent so much of my life angry at the basic injustices inherent to both this country and the human condition that I think I’ve transmogrified that feeling into something akin to a fuel source.