It says a lot when someone can say “the guy who literally stole from a delivery driver is actually a better human being than most of the shitty restaurant customers on BCO” and they’re probably right.

My manager finally comes over and informs me that she is removing the gratuity from the bill.

Say what you will about the pizza mugger, at least he was straightforward about taking money out of the driver’s pocket. He didn't come up with bullshit reasons to not leave a tip, he didn't put a waiter through an hour of hell and leave a buck, he didn't come in with a complex plan to scam free food that he used…

Does anyone know how to become a contestant on Shark Tank?

Serious question: Why can’t the proprietor just ask the racist ass-clown to not return. “Sir, I’m sorry that our values and yours don’t match. I’m sure that another vendor would be more to your liking. Please have a nice day...” I get it—you depend on customers for your livelihood. But these people will never learn…

“Was that so hard?!”

“They first bitch about all the fish.”

Clearly you have never worked a buffet.

I am looking to hire cooks and waitstaff for my newest restaurant - Punchie’s This Is How We Serve It.

Let me just get the Pinkham’s Law out of the way, because I don’t see any yet and I’m SURE it’ll happen-

ARGLE BARGLE BUT RESTAURANT MANAGERS WORK HARD TOO AND NEVER GET TIPS DID YOU KNOW RESTARANT MONAGERS CARE ONLY ABOUT THE SUCCESS OF THE RESTESRAUNT AND ARE SELFLESS ANGELS TO WORK AS HARD AS THEY DO FOR THE…

OH COME ON

She proceeds to explain to him that only a hamburger contains meat, and that a cheeseburger is vegetarian. She says she knows this because she has been to McDonald’s in London literally *hundreds* of times in the last few years, and that a cheeseburger is always vegetarian when she orders one!

PINKHAM’S LAW!!! DING DING DING! We have a winner!

After adjusting the temperature of their water twice

I have it on very good authority from Strawberry Shortcake that Blueberry Muffin’s vagina* does, in fact, taste like blueberry.

Yesssssss. When I lost a bunch of weight, a good handful of the consultants started making comments about it in my office. Any indicator that your coworkers (particularly your superiors) are viewing you in a sexual manner is intensely uncomfortable. Innocuous comments such as “That color looks nice on you.” or “I like…

I think a new rule of etiquette should be “Don’t try to be funny with anyone who is forced to deal with you for their paycheck.” You want to exercise your dad jokes? Go find some kids or make your spouse want to cry. Don’t inflict it on someone who is just trying to get through the day.