Let's see, fuel-sipping European engine swapped out for larger, thirstier, slightly more powerful off-the-shelf American one, chic European styling uglified for the US market, standard cab version omitted, am I missing anything?

I mean, seriously. Cubs fans aren't this depressed about following a losing team, and they haven't won a WS since 1908.

38K miles? 138K is more like it. Well cared-for, sure, but also well-driven. The driver's seat leather will tell you the real story. Dude's on crack if he thinks he can get $5200 for a $500 car.

Who's being scornful? I'm just saying that there are cheaper ways to get that sheepskin than what many in my son's class of '07 did. I think he was one of a very few within his circle who were staying in town to go to school; the rest were all going to these big name private schools that cost 50 large a year. Maybe…

OK, I'll buy that. It all depends on where you are. I was thinking about the ones that fill boxes for Amazon.

Unless "back in the days" was the 1981-2 Reagan recession, which is why the percentage of Army recruits without a HS diploma went from 50% to practically zero in just a few years. I knew quite a few enlisted people with college degrees in my time.

So go to the state school within commuting distance of your parents' house. Most people have those available. If not, feel free to ignore this advice. Go out and buy yourself an older Corolla/Civic in decent shape. It'll pay for itself in a single semester. No meal plan, no dorm fees, just a $50 sticker that lets…

Where are those warehouses where you can get hired at $18/hour? What's in 'em, weapons-grade cocaine?

I take it pointing to Heaven is still allowed. Just once, I'd like to see a player point to the hot place where the gentleman in the red suit with the horns and Count Olaf goatee conducts his business.

That's much better. All these cars back then with the driver-side airbags looked horrible because of them. Big ugly thing in the middle of the wheel - yuck. Nowadays, even Toyota had figured out how to make them compact enough not to ugly up your car.

Don't forget about cars. Unless you just have to have a 2014 model, you should be able to find a deal on whatever car you want. They knocked two grand off my Civic a few years ago because it was August and they had all these cars that had to go. IIRC, everybody was running big sales around the latter half of the…

It's barely new Camry money, but whatevs. $21K is probably just about what it's worth, which is why the voting is running about 50/50.

He had talent, all right. His talent was sucking massive amounts of cash from baseball teams. The Yankees could get themselves a whole new infield for what they were paying this guy.

It is an cultural delicacy on Remulac. It makes Beldar's cone engorge itself more readily.

We saw the Grand Canyon in March. Check it out - Phoenix in March is mid-80s, sunny, and pleasant every day. Flagstaff and points north (like the Canyon) have snow on the ground, but not so much as to make those areas inaccessible. Besides, the snow is pretty and there are very few tourists up there that time of…

It helps when you don't have your iPod on you. How long will it be before the RIAA starts tapping into people's brains looking for pirated songs? "Stop that earworm at once! You haven't paid royalties for it!"

At 9-10 sec., a mid-level Honda Civic with the 5-speed automatic could at least give them a good race.

Of course 85 HP was a lot. The car didn't weigh anything. My 11th grade English teacher had one, and four members of the football team once picked it up by the front and rear bumpers and carried it into the school cafeteria. True story.

She's got a point. And it's not only breakfast. The best time to make whoopee is Sunday morning.