@DirkToberFest: Tough to be beat when you're furiously masturbating behind a dumpster and end up firing a load on stale communion bread.

@worldBspree: Try that shit at Wimbledon and you won't go unnoticed for long.

So he aborted prematurely, and still got to keep his?

@mordicai: Oh go tell it to your friends at Jezebel. Its all in good fun over here.

I'd be surprised if looking at that horrid anorexic patch-kit of a woman could make any part of me do anything but lie flat.

@Maxichamp: Drink your Kool Aid, Maxi. Drink it all.

@See you suckers later: Nah, that's just his grandkid in a sheet. Thursday meetings and all.

@tim_lincecum_dumpster: You know they love that shit up in Boston.

@Babcocksure: Just doing it to help out a buddy in need!

@ClueHeywood: I imagine the Deadspin office is located in a secret, defunct subway station.

HEY! I've seen that move before, but she must have left her hair brush in the hotel room....

@Steve U: Just letting him know what type of classy and multi-talented piece of tail he had lost.

Dye his beard green? Does she know about that yet?

I've seen this on a couple of websites in the past. It just looks like pee.

@President Camacho: Coach Tuaolo?

@NotMyFirstRo-Day-O: See you in Telluride.

@Sandburgh: Stephon? Is that you?

@dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: Amen.

Oh those silly Gators....So sexually frustrated....So unlikable.

I hear the printers and the flight attendant are joining in and trying to get certified as a class.