@Armen Tamzarian: Waite, I think we've confused the father....

Give it up Parnevik, you look like the love child of Flea and Tom Waits, and no matter what you say, she's not going to give you a cut, even to spite Tiger.

I'll be there with 2 of my closest friends. I think Joe will probably recognize them from the internets.

@TimCouchFanatic: Oh that's an Aunt on my Mother's side.

@David Hume: Mole? What, was it behind the coffee cup?

I think we're all missing the important part of this story....This crazy bird has a twin sister.

@DirkToberFest: I'll help you collect royalties from Carlos Mencia when he starts doing that joke in 8 weeks.

@Gourmet Spud: Adleman's sound as a pound on this one. He'll claim Sovereign Immunity and this will be tossed out of court.

Well, you know, that's just like, your opinion, man.

Fourth-party confirmation from the mailman? What is this, my paternity test?

I thought Grandpa Munster was dead?

@Steve Grogan Bud Bowl MVP: Code for Swingers Party?

@Juancho: No no, KY's line of warming products have most likely prevented too much coldcocking in the ranks of Notre Dame QBs.

@SteveJeltzFan: Only to be shuffled back down the pack when Abe's estate is settled and a few half-blooded Jersey yentas that had been sucking off a secret trust fund blow up the whole works and get a chunk.

Fuck, Coughlin called me LAST WEEK and offered $30k for me to leak the same damn story to the press.

I hear Margaret Bergmann Lambert was the Ty Cobb of her day, and brutalized other female high jumpers with pony-tail tugs and choke slams.

@twoeightnine: Those goats kick back if you're not gentle, huh?

@Karlifornia: Handsome Dan 3 is what, an NFL Blitz Defensive Package?

Still a good chance the dude in the red shirt and white visor is going to catch hell at Thanksgiving dinner for "hassling your Uncles like that."

Real fucking cute, Craggs. Do some research and you'll find out that Coach Pat has a foundation specifically to benefit red headed step children.