You might want to have someone perform CPR on you. There is a high probability that you are dead inside.

Lindsay might've won me back simply by having a Kevin G cameo.

Then don't have evil opinions. Duh.

She did spell Hogwarts wrong tho...

JC Chazez. Still hot.

Good God, does Goldie ever stop being adorable?

They both look hot.

Well, when you do a duet talking about disowning your body and singing it with a dude who takes advantage of young girls, I would be depressed too. But I doubt that's what she's talking about.

But do they still sell alcohol?

My college friend and I thought we were pretty creative with "homance"

Why can't they skate routines like that in the Olympics? Every skater should be required to skate while holding a cocktail. Extra points will be granted for degree of cocktail difficulty—drinks in hollowed-out pineapples, say.

Even Steve Jobs had the grace to take a picture for people who didn't recognize him.

DRY ORGASM is my new band name.

Q: What is it going to take to get male birth control?

Developing a serious crush on Mr Blue Eyes Ronan Farrow.

What? You didnt already learn that from the Beyonce is Perfect threads?

For those of us who are on Facebook and Twitter today who have also lost loved ones to heroin overdose regardless of however many people have died that way before them, seeing shit like this is not only totally retraumatizing, but trivializing, insulting, and deeply hurtful.

My brother wasn't stupid. His death wasn't…

You mean "slapped them down like they tried to take the last crescent roll at Thanksgiving."