I got the swine flu too! I have never called anything "flu" again in my life. I literally crawled around my house because I could not stand up. I thought I might die there for a while, because surely no one could feel like this and live, right?

Yes! I was so happy and excited I literally have no recollection of the things he said to me anyway. (Whoops, thanks brain for overwriting that with "SQUEEEEE!") Telling people I don't remember doesn't go over well! But even if I could I wouldn't; I agree it's a private moment I want to keep between us.

Engagement stories are boring, right? I have one and it is BORING. It was so weird for me when people would crowd around and be all "tell us the story!" because it is just duller than dirt. I feel like we need to set the same standard for engagement stories at parties as regular stories - if it's not interesting…

I hated it, I don't like being the centre of attention when everyone expects you to have a great story. I can't give you a 30 minute recap of a proposal which was basically "we went on a walk and then he proposed." It was fun and special for us because we were getting engaged, but great party story it ain't. And it…

Oh honey, no girl would ever smile at you like that. Come on, hush now. Shhh. Go back to sleep and your sweet, sweet dreams.

My MIL would be ALL OVER this. She's one of those people who posts those creepy "sons" themed memes on Facebook with the weird romantic undertones.

Eh, even if she did I am solidly lower-middle class and I had a cleaning lady for a long time because I hate cleaning and also hate living in squalor. It was like $130/month, so not chump change but not a lot more than many households spend on a cable/internet package.

Hi there, fellow martial artist! I know this comment is pretty old by internet standards, but I still wanted to add my voice to the number who say to train your daughters. Even if you don't train them, they are still going to meet rapists - at college, at their workplace, at the regular gym. By not training them…

"For me, it's a helping hand." That's not really about fictitious characters; he's saying some people would refer to drugging as quote-rape-unquote, but to him it is not. It's one thing to have a weird, maybe-a-joke, elf-rape fantasy and another to be like "in my elf-rape fantasy it's not actually rape." That speaks…

I was going to say, I mostly thought it filled in the gaps of my spotty vegetable-eating record and made me slightly less likely to contract a hideous cold every three weeks during winter. Apparently others have loftier goals for Centrum!

As part of this very campaign they donated flights to Ronald Mcdonald House. So. Uh. Sorry it wasn't the two people you linked to?

I went to see Jay Pharoah live a few years back and his Matthew McConaughey impression was insane. I laughed for days. Then later I saw an episode of SNL with McConaughey played by a white cast member who did a shitty impression of him. I was so mad. Say he got a bad tan or something, but let the Jay show the world…

It's attached to the blonde in the Santa shirt, she's just bending it weird for her OMFG RIIIINGS!!! gesture.

True story, I bought a townhouse a year before I got married and a new car about 6-8 months prior. (I am not rich, this is just how my major life purchases went down.) My now sister-in-law said to me: "Wow, you got a car, a house and a husband this year."

I don't know if it's coercion to ask/beg/nag your boyfriend to propose. Annoying? Sure. But coercion is a bit far. I mean, if you're going to commit yourself to someone forever because she's nagging you to death I would say your decision-making skills are at least as impaired as hers and it's a 50/50 blame…

Well, no one's going to ask Susan to be a bridesmaid.

If ever the phrase "what is your damage?" were appropriate...

What does it say about me that I immediately recognized the freeze frame from Uptown Girl?

His postal code is H0H 0H0. Canada is magical like that.

Oooh, I read your "at least" as "at least as they are presented here, out of context", and not "at the very least out of context" as you intended. My bad.