If I made the same face I made reading that to a guy saying it to me, I would hope someone Instagrammed the moment and made him a copy.

Just don't bring a goddamn gift or don't go to the wedding of these people you clearly hate. Problem solved. I mean Christ, do you also bitch about bringing a gift to a birthday party because the birthday girl/guy just went on a vacation so whyyyy are YOU paying for their birthday beer rawr rawr moan?

At least she's sitting naked on a teacup in preparation.

She's four. When I was four, I wanted to be a fashion designer and literally could not conceive of why everyone did not want to be a fashion designer. Guess what? I am not a fashion designer or even anywhere near that industry (and fashion kind of bores me). She'll develop different tastes and interests over the…

For better or worse, when I look at that GIF I hear "Come back! We just want to be friends!"

If you find out, please tell me.

Jesus, yeah. Sometimes I feel like I need to start a meetup group for Rebound Marrieds. "Oh hey let's just casually date WHAT IT'S BEEN SEVEN YEARS?!"

I think he was just trying to let you down easy. Smash that hope with a hammer and go be awesome all over someone who can appreciate your awesomeness.

If his friends were talking about how he would sniff my hair though? I don't know man, I would bail on that so hard.

So here is your PSA to not do that. Resist the temptation! I believe in you.

Wow, they're allowed to say it reduces the risk of disease down there? In Canada our version of the FDA does NOT allow health claims beyond like "this will perk you up a little, maybe" on non-health products. We even have a different flavour line up than the U.S. market because you're not allowed to put energy drink…

I disagree. When I was a kid I also hated water. It was only by forcing myself to drink it as an adult that I ever learned to sorta like it. (My mother is 65 and still hates water, so she had some sympathy for my plight.) But seriously, have you ever tried to make a kid eat something they hate? Imagine doing that…

Me too. I was like "That is a LOT, I can totally scale back. High five, internet!"

Haha, right? It could be so much worse.

If he started her young, that's not even that restrictive. Black belts take 5-6 years in most disciplines, so a 10 year old could achieve this by 16, no problem.

It's when you're the person who reconciles the day (which closes at midnight) on the point of sale. It usually also involves acting as a front desk agent when necessary.

Agreed. I'm picturing a bunch of purse-clutchers nervously passing black folk in the street.

UGH. I think I'm becoming a little bit of a health nazi in my head. Viewer vote time: There are a few people on my FB feed who constantly post "recipes" to their timeline that I'm pretty sure barely qualify for legal status as food in some countries. Soooo many recipes that it's starting to get the point where I'm…

I'm not a big Ellen fan but my husband LOVES her. I think she's a secret hit with the menfolk, studio audience gender split notwithstanding.

Is that not hilarious? Guys have definitely grabbed one or hit one during practices by accident before and they practically look away and start whistling with their hands in their pockets. Nothing to see here, I didn't touch your boob! Definitely not a thing that happened! Tralala!