He was only trying to offer her a hand and guide her in the right direction. JUST LIKE JESUS.

I want to adopt that otter and marry that first man and be a family.

If that otter goes missing, it's not hiding in my apartment in Alabama. I swear.

GIVE HER TO ME

Taylor, i know *exactly* how to get a bigger ass. Hit me up.

DO NOT PEE ON JELLYFISH STINGS. DO NOT PEE ON JELLYFISH STINGS. DO NOT PEE ON JELLYFISH STINGS.

Person who I was in eighth grade with had her umbilical cord turn into stone. Gyno discovered it and turned out it had been like that for TWO DAYS, so they induced the labor and she was lucky to not have severe retardation. Unfortunately she has a severe case if epilepsy and she is extremely quiet (she was mute until…

I wonder how much time and money is wasted by people trying to legislate their personal beliefs? Aren't there more important issues? Is the voluntary termination of pregnancy the biggest problem in Oklahoma?

They've done a stand-up job this year. "Oklahoma: Our legislators are bonkers but the judiciary does its fucking job!"

Zombie socialist hippie Jew.

religion: a way to get people to vote against their economic and political self-interest.

hey! my state did something good.

"In ancient Greek mythology, after the great flood, Deucalion and Pyrrha repopulated the world by scattering stones throughout the earth. From these stones emerged people; from these people grew the world. It's a myth, but its opposite is possible"

Who's to say that's a myth? I think Stone Scatter People Theory should…

Close. It's about the ethical treatment of his penis in journalism.

"My penis was just concerned for her health!"

Did anyone else have a shit day today?

Justin Bieber big ideas #beliebe #truth #blessed #wow #suchmusic

I Don't Want You Guys To Think Because I Was Born In America That I Speak And Abide By English Grammar. I Speak Jaden, Indefinitely.

I don't want you to think that the fact that I can't speak or write English on even a third grade level is because I'm a mis- and/or undereducated moron, so I'm going to claim that I speak my own language because, unlike you, I'm never going to have to worry about anything as long as I live and I feel I need to…