While there are many points of interest in this morning's Dirt Bag, I can't help but be confused by this Lil Wayne sports management company.

If that photo is proof of a dating relationship I have dated approximately 7500 people.

What is all that 17th century rococo decor all about?

flat sheet with hospital corners. otherwise, my mom will come to my house and beat me.

Ah, the halcyon days of the '90s, when we humans dwelled placidly under the dot-com bubble, foolishly investing all of our money in Beanie Babies and plucking out most of our eyebrow hairs....

You're the Jezebel version of an all-star Deadspin commenter.

Exactly like the bangs. You always have to cut the penis when it's already dry. Rookie mistake.

So basically the surgeons approached this circumcision the same way I approach cutting my own bangs:

Turnabout is fair play, so...

To be fair, Jenny McCarthy's kid does have the American Express Black Card of excuses for any future fuck up.

He's the only baby I find adorable. I want to steal him.

Don't feel bad, Kim. Based on the state of my back, Kanye has been controlling /neglecting me, too.

All feet are weird. Always.

Also, the Neptunes were an unstoppable force of hip-hop production in the aughts.

I like N.E.R.D. better.

Are we as a collective hating Pharrell now? That's kind of disappointing, I always had a soft spot for him. N.E.R.D. put out some good stuff.

I live in rural Michigan so it's not uncommon to see huge farm equipment driving down the road all over the place. Several years ago, I came up behind a combine who was going even slower than normal. The driver had moved as far to the side of the road as possible but I was wondering why he was going SO slow. I moved…

Every generation gets the Calvin Klein underwear model it deserves.

I'm so glad the doodles I drew on myself when I was 10 weren't permanent.