Irsay: we partyin or waht

Jimmy Haslam: *continues typing on a calculator thinking he’s sending a text*

Tom Benson: new phone who dat?

Group text:

So, so many pics of old man balls are in some intern’s future.

“I fought to protect the freedoms you enjoy in this country, so you better stop fucking enjoying them!”

Make up your damn minds people. I can only cancel/uncancel this Papa John’s order so many times.

We’re not addressing the other Richie Incognito scandal that makes it more ironic he’s the voice of reason? Got it.

People don’t buy you drinks with a “Then I turned on the compressor” story.

- The National Anthem before NFL games

Songs that should never be played again, an incomplete list:

Find a random black woman’s Facebook page and scroll through her pictures. I guarantee one of them is a photo of Barack, Michelle or both Obamas.

Pack it up, folks, we’re not beating this one.

“Flags. I fucking hate flags. You fucking hate flags. Everyone fucking hates flags.”

Find a different song. Any other song, man.

I’m ready to risk it all regardless. It’s cuffing season anyway. And all seasons will come to an end. So when the jig is up, I’ll be good.

Michael, LOL BYE. I can’t this morning.

Yeah only on planet FUCK THIS WEED IS STRONG is Litter Caesar’s a preferred dinner choice over Pizza Hut.

Hungry Howies, Jet’s, and Marco’s are all real, and are all significantly better than any of the places on the list.

Whomever voted for CiCi’s should be, well, forced to eat at Cici’s.