His running style certainly has some punch to it

See? This is why women should NOT be allowed to watch football. No man would ever get hammered and attack an opposing fan like that. All that estrogen only leads to drunken stadium brawls. It's science, man.

He was our top cornerback.

I wouldn't have cared if the whole team was gay if they could have just beaten the Bills.

Sacked!

Tom Wilson of the Washington Capitals took Flyers forward Brayden Schenn after the game

[Launches immediate investigation into whether they let him have "skipsies" in Splash Mountain line.]

Dan Snyder finds out what the next hot thing is by reaching up and touching the stovetop.

Well at least this settles the whole debate about whether D.C. is a Northern town or a Southern town . . . . putting your balls in the hands of your Cousins is a time-honored tradition in the South.

4 goals and he didn't pull it out. Joe Thronton is embarrassed.

Just another couple of talking heads going on about a house burning down.

♪♫ Seven blo-own saves,

$6 billion? That's not just chump Chang.

But Deandre Hopkins had his mini-stroke and he's still on the team? Some things just aren't fair.

"I see your 5 row straight and I raise you an entire deck."

To be honest, though, fighting in hockey is only really a cause for concern when the person getting hit doesn't already have brain damage.

If Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra had a child it would look like this.

But who could blame them, MLB makes trading free agents so confusing.

Fuck that shit.
-Vernon Davis