By far, the worst part of this story is that we can't tell Will to not quit his day job.

I remember walking off the bus once during middle school, deck in hand, and getting caught in a gust of wind and seeing two of my favorite gold cards fly away. I didn't care how long I was holding up traffic afterwards, I was going to fucking find those two.

This is the key to soccer's growth in the United States.

I like Zacaria's facial expression as Carli is yelling at him. I want to think that he is thinking "Dude, I do not give a single fuck about what you are yelling at me, I'm taking care of this god damn adorable puppy."

"Both of the attackers, who are brothers".

+1 Go (purplish) Blue!

You can tell this guy went to Michigan, because he's making the M with his legs, and there's a self-righteous dick right in the middle of everything.

Traffic on I-35 is raging, things are really strained on the 183 near the airport. We've got some major bulging northbound on 130 near exit 437. Meanwhile, it's just barely inching along on the Brett Favre Memorial Parkway.

And here I thought I had a long, hard commute.

Sexual assault is horrific and inhumane.

German excitement over the victory resulted in a tiny Fuhrer.

♫ Because he's Corny!
Clap along, even if your white-ass can't keep the beat! ♫
♫ Because he's Corny!
Clap along, if you wouldn't last ten minutes on the street! ♫
♫ Because he's Corny!
Clap along if you know that your coach dances like a creep! ♫
♫ Because he's Corny!
Clap along if you know his PR guy just hit delete! ♫

I'm sure AP appreciated the fact that he wasn't the only giant pussy at the hearing.

He didn't get much in his mouth, but at least it wasn't a waste of perfectly good beer.

Beslach says he was giving colleagues a PowerPoint presentation on company turnover.

What they think they look like:

IT PUTS THE APOLOGY ON ITS PODCAST OR IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN.

Something something Arch Duke University

He looks like someone that might have been assassinated to start a war in Europe in 1896.

I was hoping for something like this too.