Mortimer

I love your updates. My daughter was in the NICU around the same time (albeit for different reasons) and had a roommate that was a premie.

“often net negatives” isn’t hardly accurate.

If you want me to entertain your jokes, I’m willing. Ham it up, guys!

Isn’t this Note Dame’s process? Just drag things out until the rape victim kills herself?

Some of Whitlock’s standards can be found here: http://deadspin.com/how-jason-whitlock-is-poisoning-espns-black-grantland-1698683962

I’m curious about your ice conversation.

I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure those pants are an offering from the Bartolo Colon Summer Collection.

I AM NOT IRRITABLE

Agreed. I just figure that I’m not in the market of who these video marketers are trying to reach. Cause I ain’t watching that.

Cilantro bolts so fast. I love it, but I feel like you would have to plant seeds every week to make sure you always have some available.

Man, the not sleeping thing is the worst.

That sucks so, so bad.

“the current five-year, $26 million extension he signed in spring training now looks especially smart for Cleveland”

This is good

The Big Chill soundtrack.

Look, I’m not any kind of an NFL offense guru and I don’t know whether a team would need to change their offense to accommodate Austin Davis.

Fucking woodpeckers, man.

I deleted Facebook after the election so I could just pretend certain friends and relatives don’t exist as opposed to outright disowning them.

Japanese beetles, potato beetles,and earwigs can get my plants like that.