First reaction upon reading the headline: What? Omg, this poor woman, how could they charge her?

If you're afraid you're doing something that's going to get your kids taken away from you, then you should probably have your kids taken away from you.

But that woman sure chose her shitty boyfriend over her kids. All together now: "Fuck her."

Miko: This is like putting these players through 2 car crashes a week! They don't care about the players, they care about the money!

HOMEOPATHY IS FUCKING WATER.

After seeing her cake, Miko Grimes' emergency oral surgery doesn't come as a huge surprise.

In Snyder's defense, he's fired a lot of bad coaches, so that's something.

Is there a search engine that *only* looks for porn? I'm sick of having to sort through websites for Ohio clothing retailers everytime I search for "Cincinnati Bowtie".

I'm ethnic, too. Ethnically Polish, that is. This is the skin color of my people:

I love that scene. Delivered flawlessly.

Are we twins? I typically just answer "melanin" and walk away.

nailed it

*approaches suavely* "Why hello there, cupcake. I couldn't help noticing that you're not paper-white. Mind if I ask why?"

"As a real horse, I can say that Dan Snyder and I fucked. It was totally consensual and I was not offended in any way. I'm not sure why other horses are bothered by this. He is actually honoring our history, traditions, and general horsedom while fucking us."

Horse: Let's fuck.

Surveys have shown clearly that horses fucked by Snyder have enjoyed it and find it a positive uplifting experience. It is a source of great pride for horses everywhere that Snyder in fact chooses to fuck horses in the first place.

The idea of Dan Snyder fucking a horse is completely crude and unnecessary, Kyle. I hope you're sued to the highest extent of the law by that poor horse.

I saw Dan Snyder fuck a horse once, which was amazing since the horse's penis measured two Snyders long.