My eyes...they can't adjust quickly enough to the brightness....

Everything is this post is wrong. Congrats.

For all the dead ppl

Drink straight with a chaser of iced tea, coffee, or Blue Powerade. For best results, make sure you have an empty stomach. Afterwards, eat an entire Digiorno pizza and immediately fall asleep without doing dishes.

dream car.

OK. I'm making a new rule. No one is allowed to have sex in my house during Thanksgiving. Just no. Take your horny asses to a goddamn motel.

NAILED IT.

He looks like Squidward.

LOOKOUT....Mountain!

DigitalHowie: *clicks send*
DigitalHowie: *nods to self*
DigitalHowie: *notices open tab*
DigitalHowie: *sees it's the YouTube video he meant to comment on*
DigitalHowie: FFFFFUUUUUUUU ....

Eye test? Better get YOUR eyes checked cause FSU hasn't lost in 2 years.

Not sure where you heard it but he did not die.

Deadspin comments section comin' at you with the hottest takes this side of the internet. I'm not saying you're wrong, but that's a spicy take.

It's the refs fault. I mean, look at what he's wearing.

damn, Jameis is crabby

Targeting and roughing the passer, but the Tallahassee police can find no evidence of wrong doing.

Abolish The Forward Pass