What are you even saying? I watched the shit out of Taken 2. I will admit that at first I wanted to know how they got the daughter a second time. I mean I would have locked her in a cage after that ordeal if I was her father... Anyway, what I'm trying to say is Taken 2 is the bee's knees!

This made my day!

Okay you caught me. I honestly don't know how twerking works.

One day a person under the age of 25 is going to throw their back out and then we can ban twerking. You know, for medical reasons.

A friend asked me to be her fifth bridesmaid after someone dropped out a month before the wedding. I was kind of pissed to be asked as a backup. I was also broke and all weddinged out after being in a bridal party the week before. The bride sent out "feelers" before asking so I knew it was coming. I searched online…

That's a lot of honesty right there.

I. I hate you.

I work for a pretty big cellphone carrier in Canada. I talk to entitled pieces of shit all day. This guy called in wanting to get a free iPhone for his daughter. The guy was pretty upset because the phone wasn't free, so he tells his daughter in back, "See, this is why you need to go to college, hunny. Do you want…

Oh god, yes! I feel like I should get this sermon tattooed somewhere on my body so I never forget it. Maybe I'll just bookmark it .