Why don’t they make the whole plane out of slow pitches?

Since Chinese swimmer Sun Yang won two gold medals at the 2012 Beijing Olympics, . . .

Everything Sam Kean writes is awesome.

He and Joc are making this the best derby ever. 

See here’s the problem with the last meal scenario.

Caruso’s a first-ballot Hall of Famer for dudes that don’t look like they belong in that sport.

This is what happens when your disheveled high school biology teacher discovers a monkey paw 

I believe you’re referring to when him and a bunch of other prisoners of war played against a team of Nazis.

That whole “ICE” thing is dumb. how are the emergency people going to unlock your phone? Ask her that. 

I cut Sudfeld with phosphorous and iodine to make meth. 

Isn’t the tag supposed to go around the guy’s toe?

Indeed - I would rather give him the power to suspend Josh Gordon rather than the power to suspend Habeus Corpus.

Whitaker believes one should always keep his eyes on the ball, which is ironic because his face looks like two eyes were surgically attached on one of my balls.

I’d bet if we plotted a bell curve of athletes ability and marked those who have a sticker on their car, the left side (slower) would be overwhelmingly populated compared to the right side (faster).

Police left after discovering that “burglary” is just what Gronkowski calls a cookout.

You merely adopted the darkness of rooting for the Eagles. I was born in it, molded by it.

That sounds like the perfect plot for a “Leave it to Beaver” episode. 

1. Cut all the brownies and place them on a plate.

I understand your high expectations, but we all know he’ll just go back to his bread and butter after this: Strong-arming the villagers out of their money as they try to cross his bridge.

I hope Steve Kerr sends Ben Affleck in his place, wearing high-water suit pants and demanding a retainer.