The number of times I've sang "Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius!" when someone has mentioned any of the Planet of the Apes films is way too many. The number of times people have understood me is way too low (understandably low?).

Yeah, Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi is where the real difference is. I can tolerate regular Pepsi, especially if it's from a fountain instead of a bottle / can, but Diet Pepsi is garbage. Maybe it's whatever artificial sweetener they use.

How about toilet paper? Tier 1 TP is like wiping your ass with a soft, cotton towel. Tier 2 TP is like wiping your ass with sandpaper.

Do you know how difficult it is to turn down a hand-job in 8th grade without telling a girl you can't cum yet? Holy shit that was awful.

Well, no, it's not 100% guaranteed. Germany has pretty much a 100% shot at going to the knockout round. Something catastrophic would have to happen for that not to happen. However, their position at the top of the group is not guaranteed and they'd probably wanna face Algeria or Russia instead of Belgium. So if they…

Nothing is really clinched actually. It's just that the odds are on these two teams' sides. When you rest your starters or take a knee in the NFL, the end result is 100%. That's not the case here. Cuz of that, if they try, we need to try. If they don't try, we don't need to try. Kinda like a sports version of the…

Yeah, it was definitely a lapse in judgment and they're both great players, but I think Bradley usually gets the nod cuz of his position. He's basically the field general of the team and determines the flow of the game. Dempsey attacks more, so he's much more visible, while Bradley is the guy who sets it all up.

I don't even have an issue with his flavor choices. Maybe I'm cheap, but I don't understand why he doesn't just buy a box at the grocery store and bring them in himself. He knows he's eating them every day and you know those machines are marked up past the stratosphere. That's just an irresponsible financial habit.

Towels are the easiest items to fold and they're always warm and soft. Makes sense to me. Folding socks? Ugh... that's one of the inner circles of Hell. You gotta match them and fold them and you know there's always going to be a few rogue socks in there that have no matching one. With those guys, you're just screwed.…

If his best event is the 100m outdoors, I'd assume indoors he'd run the 60m, so the banked track shouldn't have anything to do with it. Maybe he just doesn't accelerate as fast as others, but has a higher top speed, allowing him to win in the slightly longer 100m.

Apparently China and Russia couldn't care less about US-Ghana. Either that or something about the data processing just left them out.

I'm not sure about MA's rules on whether you can or can't, but you don't wanna have to run and look at your watch while trying to run splits with an incredibly small margin of error. Just moving your arm up to see the watch is gonna throw off your stride and your pace for a few moments. You could look at a clock that…

If we're talking in a botanical sense, then yes, it's a fruit. If we're talking in a culinary sense, you're gonna say it's a vegetable. Why cooks and botanists can't get on the same page? I dunno. I assume this and the sitting vs. standing for wiping debate will be the eventual cause of a civil war and the end of…

Do you think the valuation of a play like this is affected at all by the fact that he bobbled it at the beginning? If he hadn't bobbled it, as the author noted, the runner probably would've held at third, so this throw and the out never would've happened. It's like his mistake made the play even better.

Yeah. Puerto Rico has that whole Island-1000s-Miles-Away thing that kinda detracts from it. At least it exists unlike your hypothetical California-Nevada love child.

In fairness to the Mets (ugh, I can't believe I'm defending them), in more than a half century, they have more championships (2 - '69 and '86) than the Rangers (1 in '94 and the previous one from that was in 1940). And how in the hell did the Bills even get on that list? I guess losing four Super Bowls in a row gives…

Grew up in PA, lived in NY for a bit, moved back here recently. Having to deal with bottle shops, beer distributors, state stores, and 2am last call all over again is really getting to me.

Go to San Juan, PR (or I guess Ponce or Mayaguez probably, but I haven't spent much time there) and you have a very similar scenario possible, but with lower prices and a chance to brush up on your Spanish. Gambling is legal, beautiful beaches, and cops have more important shit to deal with as long as you're not being…

You're probably thinking of DiNic's in Reading Terminal Market. John's Roast Pork is a tiny little place on Snyder in South Philly that has the weirdest hours and is never open when 99% of the population is off work. But yeah, both places have incredible roast pork sandwiches.

I took like 5 days off in a row last spring, resulting in two short work weeks. Cuz I was at work so much less, I ended up getting away with that haggard, unemployed look I get between the clean-shaven and beard phases cuz I don't grow facial hair too fast, and voila, beard! I decided to keep it for the same reason. I…