My Prius has little pop-out sprayers that hit the headlights with washer fluid.

I do the same thing, just with the carryout food I’m bringing home.

What if massages are just unpleasant for me? The rest of it sounds nice, but getting massaged is just pointless and painful for me.

What this series needs is some Charlie Blackmon beard.

Can’t seem to find a recap of the satanic sex party from this week. Is that still in the works, or what?

You get all of the stars.

Can’t argue with that logic. $50 to the food bank in the name of CarlySparkles.

I’m in an exceptionally good mood tonight, especially after all these stories. Somebody give me an email I can send some PayPal money to for a pizza. 100% serious.

Edit: if no takers, I’ll just spend the money on stuff for the local food bank.

Oh, it does. That cat’s got a 20lb demon in her.

You can do it, Sprinkles! With just a little diet and exorcise, you could look like this!

I’d say Subway can die in a fire, but forget that. Can you imagine how much worse a Subway would smell if it were burning down?

Why don’t I ever get trapped behind an EFFICIENT shitter?

Off topic, but what's with all the anger from subway riders? The only subway system I've used is DC's Metro, and everyone seemed so damn aggressive. What gives?

Denver has a Light Rail system, and everything Brainzilla says here is correct. I'd ride the thing all the time if only it came to the northwest side of the city.

think back on all your exes (I'm going to be especially unkind and let you know that people you didn't marry

I was right there with you up until ketchup made an appearance.

I follow a different philosophy. Leave the delicious article sitting there until the last hour of the day, and then end my Monday on a high note, including a well populated comment section!

Great article, and I've got one thing to add:

Hey, Seeburger? Next time maybe just stay home, smoke the pot, and binge watch Netflix.