You can do it, Sprinkles! With just a little diet and exorcise, you could look like this!

What color is a mirror?

I’d say Subway can die in a fire, but forget that. Can you imagine how much worse a Subway would smell if it were burning down?

Why don’t I ever get trapped behind an EFFICIENT shitter?

We’ve eliminated a handful of positions and refocused our company-wide talent to address departments that need support and cut redundancies.

Huh, you can vape nicotine? I thought it was just for weed. Crazy!
</sarcasm>

Off topic, but what's with all the anger from subway riders? The only subway system I've used is DC's Metro, and everyone seemed so damn aggressive. What gives?

Denver has a Light Rail system, and everything Brainzilla says here is correct. I'd ride the thing all the time if only it came to the northwest side of the city.

Agreed! I had two in a row once, to make the most of a weekend in Vegas. Felt worse than the worst hangover I’ve ever had.

think back on all your exes (I'm going to be especially unkind and let you know that people you didn't marry

They put a picture in front of it. Two lines.
Top Line: image of ostrich egg, an equals sign, and image of ugly ostrich.
Bottom Line: image of cube with texture/color of ostrich egg, an equals sign, and image of perfect ostrich specimen

Disagree. Lion's face is full on "GTFO I KILL YOU NOW!" There is 0% "friendly" going on here.

margaretthatcheris111%SEXY

Nailed it.

Also see: every animal that reproduces.

Content warning maybe because of some youtube "phallic shape detection" algorithm?

I was right there with you up until ketchup made an appearance.

I follow a different philosophy. Leave the delicious article sitting there until the last hour of the day, and then end my Monday on a high note, including a well populated comment section!

Great article, and I've got one thing to add:

I really hope you’re right.