Judge: Mr. Anthony, before you agree to accept this deal would you like to address the members of the jury?

Hey Bill,

I have a hard time believing that this is real. Anyone who spent as much time in the cable industry as Dolan would have spent at least fifteen e-mails asking the guy why he was unhappy with the unmatched quality and value of the Knicks before telling him to fuck off.

[can't but stare, uncomprehendingly, at the screen]

Big deal. Darren Sharper has been spiking beers for years.

I would mention the Colorado Rapids, but then I risk the triple threat of not only the "Soccer, har har" crowd but the "Kroenke'd" crowd and the "Promotion-Relegation" crowd.

If we've learned anything on Deadspin today, it's that Jeremy Lamb just loves seeing things hanging.

It's similar to predicting election results, except that elections are much more constrained than sporting events which means predictions can be made earlier with greater confidence.

I suspected as much. No worries. I'm just gonna send Demon Dog to your house to get my pound of flesh and we'll be cool.

9/11 Truthers Love Pete Carroll

The truth, son.

Who's to say he's not dog-racist against dachshunds and not pit bulls?

Everyone will want to adopt this dog once they realize that every time he opens his mouth a Pez candy comes out.

Toaster *oven*, said the proud student of one of New Jersey's 4 best medical schools, sheepishly.

How often do you think doctors walk in on patients masturbating?

What is the first round of that draft looking like? I'm assuming Southern California is a popular pick. Probably all the countries surrounding the Mediterranean?

I was at that Joe Niekro game and saw the thing fly out. HOWEVA'... it's kind of dumb to think he was actually using the emery board to doctor the ball. He said he used it in the dugout to file his fingernails, which for a knuckleball pitcher is totally believable. What's not believable is that he'd pull it out on…

Where's the Cleveland Stadium stationery when you need it?

What garbage. Hudson is the worst, such a loser.

Suns, Orioles, Ducks? What a weirdo. I don't even want to hear the explanation.