I was a server for ONE night. At a dive bar in a college town (you know, bras and panties hanging from the fake deer antlers above the bar— and that’s not even the worst of it). I was in grad school and broke and the job was offered to me without an application or interview- so I took it. I worked a Thursday night (a…

This does cause one to ask what her parents did to create such a spoiled, stupid child. Do they feel shame? Because if I raised such a beast, I would want to dig a hole and bury myself in it, but only after I locked the kid in the bathroom for a year and forced her to clean the toilets and grout with a toothbrush…

I was a cook, then a restaurant chef (for a hotel), then finally a sous chef for another hotel chain, 7 years in kitchens before I finally burnt all the way out. And in my experience, it's seldom the special requests themselves, its the timing/attitude. Here are my unsolicited tips:

Oh of course. Maybe I'll come back for Fuck It Fridays or something.

If everyone will allow me to be weird for a moment -

The summer of '87 was indeed awesome, since someone asked. I particularly liked the part where someone else was supporting me and I wasn't busting my ass day and night while raising a kid. Anyway. While we're busy saying EEEEEWWWW CREEPY JOE, is anyone going to bother asking who's behind VAWA's renewal, the revival…

Then how are men able to do it in other scenarios? I see dudes sitting in church for hours every week without splaying, or men sitting straight and politely in a chair during long job interviews and they seem to manage fine. Hardly any of them have tears streaming down their faces from the pain of their crushed nuts.

Nah he put the prayer oh hold, went to the bathroom, checked his private FB account, made a sandwich, came back and released the hold button and she was still yammering, put her back on hold, called his dad to see how he's doing, watched some porn, took her off hold again and caught her saying "Jesus, are you still…

I feel kinda bad for Jesus for having to hear her go on about it for hours.

I think I may have ruined/made German landlady's life when I made homemade mac and cheese for dinner one night. In my world that means most of a stick of butter, at least a few cups of cheese, cream/milk, bread crumbs, some frozen veggies and pasta. Essentially a coronary in a dish.

Sooooo, he proved that people on Jezebel are decent human beings. Wow. Score one for the MRA team... amirite.

Hat-Themed wedding.

My uterus hurts from that story. This won't win the prize but I'm sharing anyway.

We have the same two hobbies, except I use the labels on beer bottles instead of bar coasters! Advice columns are the shit, and Ask Polly is one of the best! (Ask A Queer Chick from the Hairpin is also really great.)

Porcelain dolls with their little glass eyes are so, so creepy all on their own. The fact that they resemble the girls can only mean that they are being watched, and that makes the dolls even creepier. I hope the police are looking into this.