How will I know if it’s classy if everything isn’t made of gold?

millennial Life Alert?

I typically just use enough to dry myself. A bidet works pretty well at cleaning so no need for much other than to just dry. If my bidet had a blow dryer, I might not even use any toilet paper. As far as body hair, I’m no Sasquatch, but I do have body hair and it has never been an issue.

Ridiculously wasteful of water???

I took the test and I got this

I thought an undecided voter in this election was a white myth, like Larry Bird or Colorado.

Snark all you want about Thicke, this is an important case for musicians everywhere.

It’s Tuesday, and that means another edition of Resignation Letters to Patrick. Today’s letter comes from Doug DeMuro, Jalopnik’s resident humorist, part-time Ferrari owner, and specialist in the Rule of Three. Doug writes:

Hang on I can’t read your comment I’m busy looking for a black screen.

No I cannot... nor would I.

Hint. The iPhone is in a floral case and upside down. Looking for a black screen is not going to help you.

I think I’d rather lose my consciousness than have is running on Windows.

Like an hour after launch. Would have been sooner but server issues

Yeah, I got laid playing this game over the weekend. She is from Canada, so you wouldn’t know her.

By chance did you attend The Jalopnik School For Kids That Can’t Read or Math Good And Want To Do Invesigative Automotive Journalist Things Good Too?

It’s okay if you’re referring to drugs. “Make mine a baby bump, I have to work tomorrow.”

Volkswagen: We’ve Turned Things Around.

Its actually surprisingly accurate.

Can you get it with a Hemi?