Oof. That last line.

You’re closer to right. I believe his name is pronounced Doo-MEL.

“There’s nothing wrong with being a _______ but always remember what you are.”

Not trying to victim-blame at all, but I just have to know: did you use Walla wallas? Were they supposed to be caramelized maybe? I’m sorry this is too interesting. Is it supposed to be “onion jam” which I saw in William Sonoma one time 10 years ago?? Please elaborate!!

And he’s been stabbed in the heart and resurrected once already.

“I will protect her.”

Well he wipes his own ass, anyway.

“OH MY GOD THAT IS COMPLETELY NEW INFORMATION!!”

She’s been with the father for 18 years but I get where you’re coming from

Alternate headline: “in 12 years, Elon Musk’s assistant never took a 2 week vacation”

One of them has a cooking show too. I guess Tamera.

Glen Close?

THANK YOUUUUUUUUUU. Way off, incredibly distracting and maybe a nice voice if it wasn’t creepily coming from the wrong face, but I can’t even tell bc it was so off. It sounded super saccharine and weird.

He’s a “doctor” in the sense of getting a PhD in History or something like that. He’s not a doctor.

“All the wives are magicians’ assistants (the field has never accepted women, because they are just lousy at tricks).”

As if Kim Kardashian would follow her triumph over Taylor Swift with a clunky fake robbery. If KK ever DID stage a robbery, the execution would be a thing of beauty, down to her rescue by Kanye and somehow flawlessly pinning it on that douche “prankster” who recently assaulted her.

Champing at the bit. Champing.

She isn't even cocky. She's awed by her talent, as everyone is. All she's doing is owning it.

Am I really the only one who wants the option to block text messages from someone, but have all the blocked messages populate once I decide to unblock?

See that surprises me bc it seems like if you’re looking for an insanely padded bra, you can find THAT in any size, including a 22 triple D. There is no one they are not ready to equip with an unseemly amount of padding.