This reminds me of the ancient proverb: when you jackoff in public, don’t get mad when someone tells you that you got a tiny dick.

Welp, looks like I’ve got to update my “graves to piss on” list.

“I don’t want to speak your language”

Horniest team? The Swiss, you idiot.

That reminds me of my dad and how he’d drive his IROC-Z onto the court where I was playing youth basketball and skid that thing real close to me while I was trying to shoot a free throw. If I missed, he’d flick a cigarette at me, peel out, and I wouldn’t see him for months. If I made the shot he’d nod at me…

Poor guy. Now he may have to suffer the indignity of the cone for a couple of weeks so he doesn’t chew off the bandage.

See, you seem like you don’t enjoy life. Be more like Usain Bolt!

I like seeing baseball highlights that aren’t just home runs. Ironically, the Chinese Sportscenter is better to watch than the American version if you don’t want a show that just revolves around Zedong.

That trophy is as evasive to Messi as Messi is to taxes.

Tell that to Croatia. The sad truth is that the USMNT is in no better position than it was before Klinsmann was hired, and some might even argue it’s taken steps backwards.

“Idiot on the Field bows out to Messi and Argentina.”

The discrepancy in talent between these two sides is so big you wonder if they’re even playing the same sport. This should really put any fanboys on notice just how far off American football really is. This team and this country SUCKS at soccer. They have some mid-level talent in the backline and Pulisic is promising…

Just the fact that he made it this far makes him way more successful than J.J. Redick’s last kid.

His last task will be to introduce Grobe to the entire staff he retained.

It’s burns like this that make me glad I can’t read.

I had to use Bing to get that reference

Wilson worked hard on this speech. He read through a ton of Google search results to find it.

I wish.